In the last 6 months I’ve taken my yoga off the mat and into new territory. I’ve really spent time in svadhyaya (self study) as I’ve gone way out of my comfort zone. I’ve learned some new asanas (poses) called the clean, jerk and snatch. I’ve grown so much, both physically and emotionally…seriously, my favourite jeans don’t fit around my quads anymore!
I joined a crossfit gym 6 months ago and have gotten really familiar with the feeling of fear and my reaction to it. I’ve been afraid so many times in the last 6 month. Every time the clock beeps and the WOD (workout if the day) is about to start I’m afraid, when I approach a bar I’m not sure I can lift I’m afraid and now that my first ever crossfit competition is here I’m afraid. Every day, as I lean into this fear and do it anyway, I’m rewarded for it. I’ve come face to face with my satya (truth) and can say that I’ve never really challenged myself like this. Sure I’ve tried new things, been nervous and gotten on stage at yoga competition anyway and done many things that require courage, but I’ve always stayed close to the edge of my comfort zone. Honestly, I really don’t like to fail. I like to be good at things, especially in front of others. I prefer not to have anyone see me struggle. What the heck kind of example is that setting to my students though?! I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for.
Now comes the santosha (contentment with where I’m at) and ishvara pranidhana (surrender to something bigger than me) as I head into the loud gym full of cheers of encouragement and eyes on me. Funny that I could teach a yoga class to a group this big and have no nerves at all, but having them watch me lift weight makes me squirm. Regardless of how it turns out, I’m proud to be here, to have a great group of people cheering for me and inspiring me to keep growing